If you have kiddos, you have read the book If You Give a Mouse a Cookie… of If You Give a Pig a Pancake… or maybe even If You Give a Moose a Muffin. If you haven’t had the joy of reading these books… welcome to this post!
The woman’s brain (I say woman’s because these stats definitely don’t jive with the men in my house) processes 35-48 conscious thoughts per minute, roughly 2,900 thoughts per hour and approximately 70,000 thoughts per day. However, in the background the brain is processing 10 bits of information per second. (Don’t ask me what a bit is … but it sounds like a lot. And don’t ask me what study this was… Google is my (not-so) credible source here.)
The female brain excels at rapid task switching, shifting focus between different mental processes seamlessly… again… per Google. Google obviously hasn’t studied my brain. I definitely excel at RAPID task switching. What I don’t excel at … is task completion in a succinct amount of time.
Yes friends… I have a list of to-dos and love nothing more than to reward myself with a cute check mark upon completion. It’s sooo satisfying.. and in true transparency… I like to start my list with things I have already accomplished for the day… I get a self-esteem booster and pride beams from my face like a 3-yr old who just went potty on the big-boy potty. But after a few hours of solidly working, I am defeated because I can’t add any checks to my list. Why you ask? Well…..
I need to start preparing to pack for an upcoming trip. Mommas you know the drill. Laundry has to be washed so you can grab specific items of each child out as you fold so that when packing day comes up in a 72 hours, those items are not miraculously dirty again. You need to make sure you have the tiny sample-sized hygiene items so that you don’t have to check luggage at the airport. Snacks have to be sorted and put in the correct bags so that they are easily accessible while in the car or on the plane traveling to said destination.
Sounds simple enough! Right? Oh friends… it goes something like this….
Put a load of laundry in the washer. Realize a kiddo needs a specific shirt for work this afternoon. Go on a hunt for the shirt. Walk into said child’s room to find that a dumpster exploded and you can’t walk through the room to retrieve said shirt because you can’t see the carpet. Go downstairs to get a trashbag so that you can go up to that perfect little angel’s room and throw everything in sight away. Open the pantry to grab the trash bag to go clean said child’s room, only to become overwhelmed by the chaos of the pantry. Who in the world puts spaghetti sauce next to pancake mix?!
Start emptying the pantry so that you can organize it so as to easily find what you are looking for without having a panic attack. Where did those trash bags go? Realize that there are three open boxes of the SAME cereal and decide to combine them. Open the cabinet to grab a cereal container or to realize you forgot to grab more dishwasher pods at the store this weekend. Grab a paper out of the junk drawer to make yourself a note to grab some while you are out later today. Where the heck is a pen in this house? Side note… add clean junk drawer to your list.
Ugh! Find a highlighter to use to make the reminder note about the dishwasher pods.. and now some pens… and see a piece of mail on the counter that needs put out in the mailbox. Walk said piece of mail out to your mailbox. Find an Amazon package on the porch. Who ordered something off of Amazon? Oh… I did.
Open package to find a pair of sunglasses that you ordered for your trip. Oh crap! Your trip. You need to get laundry started! Wait… why did you walk away from the laundry? Were you out of laundry detergent? Dryer sheets? Ugh! No… you need your kiddo’s shirt. Wait… there is no way I am venturing into that room again. It spiked my blood pressure! Speaking of blood pressure, did I schedule that dentist appointment that had to get rescheduled? And why we are scheduling appointments, I need to get the truck in for an oil change.
Let’s check the calendar. Oh look! It’s my brother’s birthday in a couple days. I better not forget to wish him a happy birthday. Hold on… did I get that father’s day card in the mail? Uhhhh… yep. Just walked it out to the mailbox. So it’s a couple weeks late…. who would expect me to be on time with anything? Why start now?
Okay… why was I looking at the calendar? Graduation party? Hair appointment? Oh, yes! Oil change! I can’t schedule that right now anyway… we are down a car at the moment. Wait… car. I need to make sure we have everything we need to pack the car for our 8-hour trip. I need to run to the store to grab some snacks for the ride and make sure we have Advil. Lord knows I am gonna need it at some point during our trip. I really need a tea. I’ll stop while I am out. Where did that list of things go that I need to get? I swear I just had it.
Wait… why isn’t the washer running? Oh that DAMN shirt! EMMA!!!!!
And this my friends is called motherhood….or adult-ADD… or mid-life insanity. Or in my case…. probably all three. Maybe I should just blog about it. Hold on… why AM I doing a blog anyway? Oh yeah… for shits and giggles…..
Okay.. to find my daughter so she can get me her shirt…. and I can FINALLY start this load of laundry.